There's my original script at the top -- which has been one-upped by your submissions!
It was hard to choose a winner from all the great entries. But the submissions from Robbie W and Dragon Furry made me chuckle ^^
In tangential news, according to the latest weather track, there's a disappointingly big typhoon barreling towards my vicinity (Hong Kong) this weekend. Fingers crossed that it won't be a direct hit, but in the unlikely case I get knocked offline for a short while, that would be why. Gonna board up tomorrow!